Pancakes with everything

I sat there looking at the kitchen table unwilling or unable to take it all in
And many years later someone said,
“Hi and where have you been”?

I was here all along which was wrong,
I had gone to the far side.
So I lied and said,
“Somebody died”
Didn’t say it was me.
Couldn’t see any reason to tell them the story
Of where there is death there seldom is glory and I have seen,
The dying
The crying out in anguish
The wishing it was me
Do you see why, I had to tell them the lie?

On the far side of a day where the night demons lay
And the playing of light
Seems okay and quite right.
Where the brightness is less than at noon
And where soon the wails will arise
As one more lost soul dies.
These are the cries from my heart.

Inside and in parts where the loneliness starts
Is my place.
Where I can’t face the tears of fifty odd years, where I sink
With the turn and the spins where once again it begins
I sit back at the table and still am unable
To take it all in.

2013

© 2020, John Smallshaw.