Not quite there yet

To the bathroom and back through the lounge to the kitchen, on to the balcony, something is wrong with me, walked miles and miles and not got anywhere, not seen anyone, never did anything and if I did it wasn’t me, a peculiarity from a previous existence, deny it all, but this is different, there’s another me outside of me on the balcony and yet still part of me that’s not very pleased and I’m not too happy either.

If I stopped
if I stayed
if I got down on my knees and
the other me says,

“What?, Prayed!
don’t make me laugh”

almost now a shadow
I am locked in with a madman
and that’s another thing not to be
happy about,

so
I look out of the window
with my eyes tightly shut
which
does nothing
and that’s what I’ve been doing
nothing,

Oh! cooking, I’ve been cooking
found a book in
the library, recipes from
Madhur Jaffrey,
an Indian,
saw her in ‘Shakespeare Wallah’
knew she was an actress
but
didn’t know she could cook.

© 2020, John Smallshaw.